Update on my new family:}

I feel bad that the last blog post was so depressing!! So let me start off by saying I'm doing awesome!! After learning Ryan had moved out of our house to go live with a new girl it made things very clear. Run! Run as fast as I can from him and anyone who agrees with what he has done and continues to do! I couldn't be happier knowing I won't be married to him anymore and that Tayli and I are now our own family! We are very similar in many ways, both very happy people who love to sing and dance and enjoy life! We are trying to get our own life started over again and hopefully this time will be the right way:) but I can already feel a difference in both of our attitudes that this is the best thing to ever happen to us! I also want to say a big thank you to everyone involved with helping Tayli and I not only financially or mentally or emotionally, but physically as well. There were definitely times where I had to be restrained from probably killing people but also times where I had to be physically picked up and told I had to keep going. I hope you all know that I couldn't have got this far with out you. The divorce isn't final yet, I am still married but I am working hard and fast to get tayli and I what we need and out of this life! I am so grateful for all the friends who took me back once Ryan was out of the picture! I knew the reason then why we were not spending time together and I knew being with Ryan I was giving up a lot of family and friends, I am so greatdul to have them back! I've missed you guys a lot!! And I'm having so much fun being single again! Which brings me to my next part:) like I said earlier, I am still legally married I do not want to lose focus on what really matters in this process which is Tayli. I will never put anyone else above her, I can see what it is doing to her to no longer be number one and I can not do it to her. But I am excited to have the legal part of this divorce signed! I am so mentally and emotionally separated in this marriage, i just need it legal! I know what to look for in someone now and I have a lot of qualifications that will need to be met:) but I sure will have fun while looking!! Next up is Halloween!! Last January as a family we decided to take a family vacation to san Diego, in June I booked it and tomorrow Tayli, Keri,Kenadee and I will board a plane for 7 days of fun in the sun in san Diego! We are going to the zoo, sea world, and Disneyland!! We will also be spending Halloween night at mickey's Halloween party in Disneyland! I can't wait to share this adventure with her and our good friends!! Thank you everyone for keeping tayli and I in your thoughts and prayers!! We love you and will report back with pictures from our next adventure!!

minute by minute, hour by hour...

With the new changes to mine and Tayli's life, it has made me see things a little more for what they really are. I miss having someone to come home to and to share my life with. I don't like feeling so alone all the time, and even when I have tayli with me there are still moments that hit me in the day and I literally feel as though I have been punched in the chest. I can't picture a future anymore and I know that's just the depression trying to enter into the picture, and as hard as I try it still finds its way into my day even during the happy moments. With my left hand finger empty I still feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and as hard as I try to hide it from tayli I know she knows that my heart is breaking. I went from having someone to talk to everyday to now being completely ignored like I don't exist. How can a life be shared for numerous years and then within hours it all changes...I hate making this public and I try to keep my emotions inside but I want to remember this and how painful it is, how every minute has the potential of breaking you down so much that you can't imagine all the pieces being able to be put back together. I want to remember so if there comes a time again in my life that another man feels that he can fill the monstrous size shoes that I expect to be filled, that I will know with all my heart he will not put me through this again. I don't think I could possibly be put back together twice... once will be hard enough and the gaps left in between will be so noticeable I don't think another person could deal with them...

Our new life....

This blog is the blog that will begin Tayli and I's story. It is missing one person, and for their sake I hope they are truly happier. Tayli and I can't wait {mostly me} to keep up this journal/blog of our life and our family. It is a smaller family, but just as strong if not stronger than others. This week, a new change has come into our life and I feel that it will be for the best, Tayli for both of our best interests, I am trying to make myself a better person and more of a parent than I have ever had to be. I am trying so hard to be responsible and take care of you and I the best that I can. I have no clue as to what the future holds, but I know it can only get BETTER!! We only have one place to go, and that is UP! I can gaurantee that these next few months are going to be rough, but if we stick together we will make it out alive {and hopefully happier than we have ever been} I love you buggy, and you are my best friend. {yes, you are only two right now, but you are more than I could ever ask for} Everytime I say my heart hurts, you run over and give me your best hug!! Thanks bug for loving me, imperfections and all!

9/11 and what it means...

A letter to Remember

Tayli, I want to write a letter to you that you may know my thoughts, feelings, and information that I have about a day in History that means a lot to me. I was not there at the Twin Towers in New York, I was not there at the Pentagon in Washington, and I thank the Lord I was not on one of those plans that you will read about in the future. I was on the school bus headed toward Richmond Utah to my 8th grade school North Cache. I had not heard about what had happened yet and there was very little talk about what was going on. Some people had mentioned a plane crash in New York but that was the extent that I knew. For some reason two times of the morning had always stuck in my head, 8:45 a.m. and 9:15 a.m. I have no idea why those are there and am not 100% positive what I was doing at those times. It must have been when I had first heard about the seriousness of what was happening and possibly the 9:15 was when I first saw it on T.V. Something interesting to me that has stuck with me is that I almost always have a feeling of the Lord's presence with me, and for most of the day while I sat in the school and watched with the rest of the world I knew he was with me to comfort me. But for some reason once I was home, I remember feeling like he was gone, and I felt okay with that and thought to myself that it was okay. He needed to be with so many others. These are my two memories of that day. Of course I remember what I saw that day, and I will always remember where I was and how I felt, but for some reason, the two times in the day, and feeling alone in the world were two things that stick out to me. Today it is the ten year anniversary and it still brings tears to my eyes. I have no idea why it has struck me with such impact even though my only experience with it was watching it on a television. But it has, it made me have a pride in my heart about my country and the people who protect it. I am so shamed to think that I never gave them a second thought, and being so young I defiantly took my my freedom for granted. I know that my pride for this country and the armed forces has come from that day. And that reason is probably the one and most important thing that I took from that day, and why it means so much to me. Tayli you will grow up in a world where that day is in your history books, and your children's books. And I will be so proud to tell you all about it, and why it means so much to me. I promise to you that we will always watch the 9/11 specials on T.V. so that we can always remember how lucky we are to have what we do. The freedom to be whoever you want to be. I am also thankful that for the time that the U.S finally captured the man in charge of the of the horrendous act. It was close to ten years before they finally caught Osama Bin Laden and made him responsible for his actions. I am thankful that the people who passed during those attacks, finally got some justice and I can only imagine what had happened in the after-life when he arrived to meet the face of those lives he took.

Tayli today is the ten year anniversary of that day, and I want you to know my thoughts and feelings and how much pride I have in this amazing country!! I hope that one day you will have as much pride in it as I do.

Tayli Day to Day

Tayli has been having so much fun this summer!! I thought I would share some pictures of what we have been up too when we aren't boating, going to the fair, family parties, and fun trips!

This first picture is of the Bell costume Tayli got from the Travel Agent when we booked our Disneyland Vacation. It is for her princess lunch and also her Halloween costumes since we will be at the Halloween party at Disneyland this year!! I decided to try and make it special so she didn't look like every other Bell there. So here is the before and after!

Christmas, Parade, Fair, Boating, and an Anniversary! {In August??}

First up, the FAIR! The fair season has finally come! Ryan, Tayli, and I had so much fun going to the fair and taking Tayli on the rides and playing with the animals! Then two weeks later while Ryan and I were on our Anniversary weekend, Tayli went to the Tremonton fair with Ryan's family and I think the pictures speak for themselves! She had a GREAT time!!

We have been super busy here at the Udy Home! That's right, the Christmas Shopping and crafting has begun! I have started some of my gifts for clients and friends and family and it is such a fun project for me to be doing and getting the ball rolling on the season!

We have also been super busy BOATING! Our FAVORITE past time! Tayli loves the water and being on the boat and with family! This past time we went Mommy and Tayli even went tubing together! I think she thought it was fun, but since we were going so slow I guess it wasn't "thrill seeking" enough!! You got to Love that Girl!!

This was at the Bear River Parade and it was a hot parade!! Even though Tayli was too afraid to go into the street to get the candy {Which is a great thing!} Mom went out and made sure that we made out like bandits!! It was so hot while we were there waiting for Nicole to come by on her float, we had to take Popsicles that were being handed out and put them in Tayli's shirt front and back just to cool her off!

Finally, Ryan and I have made it! Five years Married! {Not without some major bumps in the road}, but none-the-less we made it! We celebrated BIG with reservations at the Hotel Monaco in Salt Lake including a day with shopping and dinner at the Melting Pot! It was such a great weekend and I can't believe it has been five years! Here's to the next five years, may we learn from our mistakes, cherish our blessings, and continue to have Love in our hearts.

{Hard Worker}

A lot of people always ask me where Tayli goes when I go to work, well the answer is, WORK! Tayli goes to work too! With Ryan of course, she spends her days answering phones, posing while working on the computer, shredding documents, working in danger zones where safety glasses are needed, and of course a diet coke break! She is too cute!!

Paint Day

Painting, Painting, and MORE painting!!

We are lucky enough to have family support to help us finish our basement so we started right away and got priming and painting and I think I had more paint on me than on the walls! We got a pretty good start and spent the whole day painting the bathroom and most of the spare room and priming half of another room! We can not wait to have it finished and have a play room and more space!!

New Look, New Feel!

Makeover time! It's been a couple months doing a little here and a little there, but my room is getting a little closer to how I would want it. It started out with Hawaiian brown and green room decor and Ryan's grandpas shiny black dresser and two end tables that had belt buckle knobs, So I first painted the dresser and end tables a matt black and switched up the handles as well as sanded all the edges to give it a country feel. And the wreath above the t.v was red, and the bedspread was read and white with a berry garland wrapped around the top of the bed frame. {There are pictures of what it looked like before in earlier post.} The bed frame was black iron with brown wood post. So I painted the wreath, repainted the dresser and end tables a solid black, painted the post white, switched all the lamps and photo frames to black and white, and in the future I am wanting to switch the color red out and add a nice soft yellow with flowers, curtains and other accessories. It has been a lot of fun to take furniture and bedding that we had when we got married, and switch them up to a more modern feel. It is a great and easy cheap way to vamp up our old furniture until in the future when we can afford a new bed set. But it will be nice to have quality furniture that we can still use in guest bedrooms, or even Tayli's room one day!

Also, the last makeover is of myself! I have lost four pounds, and switched up my hair!! I am loving it, and it is so fun to switch stuff up in the house, and on myself!! Can't wait for future makeovers!!